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Which Hogwarts House does each Candidate’s Supporters Belong to?

by Ender Stark | April 4 2016
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Which Hogwarts House does each Candidate’s Supporters Belong to?
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This presidential primary process has been a spectacle of epic proportions to witness these past eight months. It really has been “must watch T.V.” Never in my life did I think that an infomercial guy, a Canadian, a professed socialist and a female version of Richard Nixon would be the four front-runners to become our nation’s next President. All the nonsense has led me to ask, and try to answer the question: Which Hogwarts House does each Candidate’s Supporters Belong to?

Since I feel like we are living in some fictitious realm I thought it would only be appropriate to put the Sorting Hat on and assign a House to the supporters of each candidate. Let’s face it some serious witchcraft is taking place right now…that is the only way to explain what is happening.For all you muggles out there the Sorting Hat comes from the world of Harry Potter and assigns students attending Hogwarts to one of four houses. Here is a quick primer on the Houses of Hogwarts from J.K Rowling’s Harry Potter series:

Hogwarts_coat_of_arms_colored_with_shading.svgWhen students first attend Hogwarts they are sorted into one of four houses; Hufflepuff, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each house prizes different qualities and personality traits.

House Hufflepuff values hard work, dedication, patience, loyalty and fair play. They are less concerned with academic aptitude or other markers of intelligence.

House Gryffindor seeks those who are brave, daring and chivalrous. Alumni tend to be the “hero” types that seek to do good.

House Ravenclaw prizes intelligence, knowledge and wit. Think Stephen Hawking wannabes.

House Slytherin values ambition, cunning and resourcefulness. Pretty much all politicians would be placed in this house. Many former Slytherins become villains.

Disclaimer: I love Hufflepuff…but in the books they are kind of portrayed as dumb and there are a lot of dum-dums out there…

Enough of that let the sorting begin!

Since I have a feeling that many Bernie Sanders fans are also avid Harry Potter fans due to his support from the 18-26 demographic we will start with them. Most Bernie Sanders fans probably fancy themselves as Gryffindors or Ravenclaws…but they are really just Hufflepuffs sans the valuing of hard work. Those who #feelthebern think that they are brave and daring…some even think they have all the answers. However, many Bernie fans can only talk about issues on a superficial level regurgitating talking points they hear at debates or see on facebook. I will say that Sanders’ fans embody the most important traits of House Hufflepuff.

I know a lot of Ted Cruz supporters and they probably aren’t Harry Potter fans since evangelicals don’t like talking about witchcraft and magic. Ted Cruz fans love to think that they are the smartest people in the room (world)…something Ted also struggles with. Those who are diehard Cruz supporters think that their man is the only honest politician in D.C. and that he will restore righteousness to the Oval Office. Obviously these people have selective memory and blinders on or just enjoy being ignorant. Sorry Ted Cruz supporters you guys are also Hufflepuffs and are not the Ravenclaws or Gryffindors you fancy yourselves to be. Better said you are Hufflepuffs that don’t believe in fair play…but hey you are loyal (to a fault) so at least you have that going for you…

I have saved the two front-runners for last….let’s start with the reality TV star who continues to defy reality with his unorthodox campaign. (*note the recent Trump comments about abortion could quickly derail his campaign and knock him behind Cruz in primaries moving forward)

Trump supporters embody many of the traits that House Hufflepuff cherishes. They tend to be hard working, loyal and dedicated. Sadly their desire to reward hard work and put down those they feel are inferior has pushed them to the dark-side that is Slytherin. Power and control…deep down that is what Trump supporters really crave. They have worked hard to get what little they have and feel cheated. They feel the suits in Washington D.C. have forgotten them, that perspective has pushed this group of people to rally behind a dangerous candidate. I mean only House Slytherin folks would buy Trump’s promises that he will work toward “the greater good” damned be the consequences, right?

My conscience refuses to let me think that there are many devout and avid Hillary supporters out there. I believe that most Democrats who will vote for her are “soft” supporters who can’t stomach Bernie so by default they “support” Hillary. People who plan to vote for Hillary readily acknowledge her many flaws but will close their eyes and plug their noses and vote for her because they feel all the other options are worse. I am not referring to those people when I say that the ardent Hillary supporters are bunking up in House Slytherin’s common room with the Trumpsters. Hillary has too many scandals in her career for people with any sort of moral compass to ignore. Her supporters laud her ambition and resourcefulness to get to where she is professionally no matter the cost it took to attain. That screams House Slytherin.

I am sure there are some Kasich fans reading this saying, “Why haven’t you said anything about Kasich? He still has a chance!” Maybe some of you Kasich fans are secretly hoping I was going to end this by saying his supporters are Gryffindors and can save this election. Umm…No. Sorry, that is not going to happen. Kasich fans are muggles who have deluded themselves into believing their candidate can still get the nomination.

You want a Gryffindor candidate? Condoleezza Rice – she is Head Girl for House Gryffindor.

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Rate this:
Which Hogwarts House does each Candidate’s Supporters Belong to?
2 votes, 3.50 avg. rating (77% score)
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